Depressed,hurt, and just really over it

Its been a while since I have posted a update on Tristan. We had company come in from Texas late Friday night, Allen's sister and her family. They hadn't seen Tristan in person since he was born last April so they were very excited to see him. Tristan's Aunt Doll said that he looks like me. Today there family is going to Gatlinburg along with Allen's mom and Allen. They wanted me to go but its raining outside and very damp and with Tristan just getting over RSV I didn't want to take him out...I'm sad about this, well I'll say, I've been sad about alot of things for along time. This blog really makes me happy and I don't post alot about me or how I feel in certain situations but ever since Tristan has been born and we have to endure so many changes, I have really become a depressed person. I often, often sit and cry and try not to have anyone catch me doing it. I cry about not having money, I cry about the fact that I'm the one that stays at home with Tristan and I often wish I was working, I cry about him and the fact of "not knowing" and wanting to get so mad at God for what were going through and then cry because I thank God he's here. I used to be alot smaller and after I had Tristan, not eveing getting that big with him, I am so overweight but I am so not motivated to do anything about it but just cry, this again being a sure sign of depression. I do take medication for my depression and anxiety but I don't think it helps, or maybe because I feel so overwhelmed and there are situations I can't change right now..or perhaps ever...the medication can only do so much. I envy alot of my friends when I see there babies meeting milestones and wonder if my Tristan will do that. Growing up I had it all figured out and boy my life didn't turn out to be like what I imagined, this being even before I met Allen and having Tristan. I've not went into this much on here and today, with no one here, I'm just taking a break from Tristan and writing this, hoping that after I have posted this and I go and get Tristan's tube feeding ready that I will "get happy" about something. Sometimes I really want to "treat" myself and there isn't any extra money to do that and its got me sooooo aggravated! Its been over a year since I had Tristan and I still wear maternity clothes because 1. I can't afford anything else 2. Why buy clothes in a size 22/24 that make me look even fatter, 3. I'm not going anywhere special in this world so why bother. Some may say that my attitude really sucks and that we have it pretty good and things could be a lot worse and I realize all that but I still want more. We only have one car and by the time we have enough money to put down a payment something always comes up and we have to use that money on bills of some sort. I don't know, I've come to grips this is my life and if we never have another vehicle or if we ever get out of this small cramped apartment and have a house, or splurge on something every now and again I'm geting used to it.
I just want to stay in the bed all the time but I can't so I walk around like a zombie half of the time, even at this moment I don't know how I'm typing this.
Words of encouragement are great from others but even when those people are gone and going about there day It doesn't do anything for me. I need a vacation but that takes money and thats something that we will never have so I'll still be here in Clinton, TN in my apartment where I'll be raising Tristan and just not knowing..and I'm over it.

Help Save a life

I recieved this youtube video in my email from my mother. It made me think when Tristan starts crawling,pull him self up, etc. I really really need to make sure his bookshelf,dresser,etc. are secured to the wall. Please take a moment and watch the video that was shared with me! Very imformative.

$100 Scrapbook Giveaway

The owner of Growinging Grace Online is having a scrapbook giveaway and as much as I love to scrapbook I sure hope I win. The prizes includes:

The Prize Package:

Picfolio album
Action pack
2 Mini picfolio albums
Petal multi-maker punch
Storybox mats/journaling boxes
Scissors
Photo organizer
Photo splits

If you are a scrapbook fan like me go enter the giveaway too!
Growing Grace Online

Visit to Dr. Trainer

Tristan had a doctors appointment today with Dr. Trainer who is over all his therapies and she is really concerned about his nutrition. He weighed 13lbs and 15 oz and is 27 inches, she said for a 9 month baby (adj.) he should be 16lbs....

So she is wanting him to go continous feedings all the time until we get him where he needs to be nutrition wise....I am sure some of the preemies out there are on continous all the time, how does the child do with this? as well as yourself as the parent, like with outings and daily routine stuff? let me know!

MommyFest Contest

Welcome to God Gave Me You!
If you are here from the MommyFest, I hope you find my blog interesting enough and will stop back again and again. This blog is where I tell the story of my son Tristan and other random fun stuff. I hope everyone that visits will leave a comment and I will come by your blog and say hello as well.

05/12/08- Tristan is cranky here =(

5 Things about me, (Shannon)

~I live in Clinton, TN..about 45 minutes from Knoxville.
~I am the mom to Tristan, former 28 weeker.
~I love to scrapbook and digi scrap.
~I sell AVON and PartyLite products, since I am a SAHM.
~I am really addicted to the internet and blogging and meeting other moms!

I've learned to love another human unconditionally and I know that no matter what this love will never die, unlike other relationships I have had. Being a mom to a baby, a son, that is a true miracle and has been giving to ME by God, is such a awesome feeling. I've learned that he is here for a reason and things in my life might be hard but he is serving a purpose and he can make me so happy.
I've learned about patience and the act of kindness and how when you look in your child's eyes everything to them is so innocent. I've learned to just take life day by day and with a grain of salt. I've learned to enjoy the simple things, rather then the materialistic things. I will continue to learn through Tristan as he grows and with enduring everyday together.

Hearty Chili Mac
Its one of my favorite meals to make, because its a slow cooker meal!!!
So Here is the list of ingredients and recipe:

1 pound 90% lean ground beef
1 can (14 1/2 pounces) diced drained tomatoes
1 cup chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
2 cups cooked macaroni

Brown beef in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat, stirring to separate mean. Drain and discard fat. Transfer meat to slow cooker. Add tomatoes,onion,garlic,chili powder,salt,cumin,oregano,pepper flakes and black pepper to slow cooker, mix well.

Cover, cook on LOW 4 hours.

Stir in macaroni. Cover, cook 1 hour.

Makes 4 servings!!

I love this! I hope your family will too!

Happy Mothers Day!

Pathways Awareness Foundation

I came across Pathways Awareness Foundation online and with being a mom to a preemie who is in therapy for developmental delays, I found this site very helpful and wanted to share it with my readers who also have preemie babies.

This is from there site:

Pathways Awareness is a national non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness about the benefit of early detection and early therapy for children with early motor delays. We strive to help all children develop to reach their fullest potential.

Visit Pathways Awareness Foundation